How Literalism Hurts Christian Counseling

Relevant Magazine recently published an article hardcore fundamentalist Christians would find controversial and possibly even heretical. The title: Fact or Fiction: What do we do when Scripture contradicts itself? Using various scripture from the four gospels that don’t quite match up, the author, Chris Blumhofer, argues that it is possibly that the “truth” we read is divinely inspired but not “bound by limits we impose.”

The author makes the distinction between interpreting biblical passages through what we WANT the bible to say versus what message the author intended to convey. Evolutionary creationists do not let their faith, for instance, be subjected to the discrepancies between Genesis account of creation and scientific fact. Careful scrutiny and study of scripture combined with faith and study of God’s creation allows us to more greatly understand our God.

One passage from the article stuck out:

“Christianity has always had a long tradition of faith seeking understanding. We don’t possess faith at the expense of critical thinking, or vice-versa. This means we have to confident and humble at the same time – not using inerrancy as a bludgeon in order to beat others into agreement with us...”

I don’t particularly agree with all aspects of this article, but I am open its possibilities because I believe God is so much greater than man’s limited comprehension of the scriptures.

Unfortunately, so many biblical counselors use the bible as a weapon against their patients. They believe their personal literal interpretation of every word in the bible elevates them to the status of God’s personal liaison. They discount the value of unique personal history and the wisdom that comes from studying God’s creation, through science and specifically, psychology.

There is danger in man’s definition of “literal.” It limits the scope of what God can accomplish. This is not a affirmation of the idea of multiple truths (God’s truth is the only truth) but rather a consideration that the truth is larger than could ever be written in a book.

Letters

Dearest Holly,

Though you have never met me, nor walked in my shoes, I did want to address some of the thinking patterns you've mentioned above. Space does not permit me to share my full testimony here, but suffice it to say that the God in Christ through the working of His Holy Spirit has allowed me see the blessedness of seeking my all in Him alone.

To start, I humbly suggest that your defense of medicinal drugs such as Zoloft and other antidepressants is nothing more than fierce denial of the inherent, wicked nature of sin and a rejection of Christ as your complete source of joy and comfort in ALL circumstances. I believe it boils down to the sin of unbelief, not depression.

I am very grieved to hear you say that "with Zoloft, I can cope", as if you needed something more than the King Himself Jesus Christ? "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things (including contentment and spiritual relief in the midst of circumstances)? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Yet in all these things we are MORE than conquerors through HIM who loved us." (Romans 8:31-37) Do you see sister? We are not in bondage to sin any longer if indeed we are His, for by the power of the Holy Spirit we will put to death the deeds of the flesh. We have power only through HIM.

You are dead on when you state that "only the Lord can heal our wounds caused by circumstance". What a magnificent truth! Do not lose this precious nugget of God's truth! However, it seems as though this statement comes in word only not in power. WHO caused the circumstance in the first place? Is not our LORD sovereign over all things (for in Him, to Him, and through Him all things consist!). So when a circumstance is brought into our life, are we not to receive it as from the Lord with thanksgiving, knowing that His purposes are being accomplished through us? Aren't we placed in circumstances so that we get to know more of GOD? Isn't our sanctification worked out through those circumstances, no matter how "terrible"? He does not put on us more than we can bear. And He is ALWAYS an everpresent help in times of need.

Furthermore, I see very little difference between prescribed medications and illegal drugs. It seems the motivations of the heart are the same in both circumstances. There is a desire to flee current internal or external realities. Prescription antidepressants may not be as addicting as cocaine or heroine; yet the potential and risk of becoming dependent on prescribed antidepressants is lethal to your spiritual health.

To close, your last statement concerning the church "beating down those suffering from a real, treatable illness" is perplexing to me. Are we not supposed to FEEL the terrible weight of our sin? Yes, you may say, but not at the expense of my happiness and joy. That's just it dear sister. That is an incorrect view of the Scriptures and of God! :) The answer is NOT "Yea, and that's why doctors have created prescription drugs to treat these illnesses." The answer will and always will be "Come unto Me, all who are weak, weary, and heavy-laden and I will give you rest." It is CHRIST, CHRIST, CHRIST, CHRIST, CHRIST!!!!!

As a final word, I beg you to consider these words. Having read your post above, I realize that you avidly deplore the teachings of Mr. Jay Adams, and thus you might very well vomit after reading my post. But I beg you to consider the possibility that you may be wrong. I trust that if you are honest with yourself and honest with the Scriptures, you will find that these counselors have the best intentions by turning people to Christ not a pill bottle.

Respectfully,
Mallory



Dear Mallory,

I would like to address several points in your letter.

It is obvious that we disagree on what constitutes illness vs. what constitutes despairing in God. I’m sure that if I were a cancer patient, you would not have written “as if you needed something more than the King Himself Jesus Christ?” when I sought out medications/ radiation, etc. I am continually shocked that biblical counselors reject the notion that depression can have an organic cause.

Here’s just one example of an organic cause of depressive symptoms: recently, a friend told me that a couple of weeks ago, when she was entering her ninth week of pregnancy, she became seriously lethargic and depressed. She fought horrible thoughts and struggled to get out of bed and do the things she needed to do. A miserable week later, she kept an pre-scheduled appointment with her OBGYN. She told him of her overwhelming sadness. Concerned by her depression’s sudden onset, he sent out for blood tests. Sure enough, her thyroid was malfunctioning. The doctor prescribed her medication and almost immediately, she was back to her normal self.

My friend is a dedicated Christian. To suggest that her brief spell of depression was related to a specific sin is… ridiculous. It’s like suggesting that God smote her with a wacky thyroid problem because she engaged in a sinful behavior.

I could go to online medical journals and site various studies that indicate and often prove how different chemical imbalances affects one’s mood, but I doubt it would do any good. It’s not that I reject that sin is the cause of all ailments; the fall of mankind introduced both sin and death. It is as though we are walking in a polluted world; nothing we can do here on earth will stop us from being sick, wretched, sinful.

I might point out that Romans 8 means nothing without the promise of heaven. WE ARE CONQUERORS only because of that promise of a new life with a new sanctified body in heaven. That is not to say that we should not strive to be obedient to God, to immerse ourselves in His word, to feel the consequences of sin. But we all sin EVERY DAY. And God forgives us every day. To suggest that my depression is a result of my lack of faith in God is just false.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matt 17:20

My faith was at least the size of a mustard seed. My depression was not abated. Therefore, I took my Christian doctor’s advice.

When I ended up in the psychiatric ward just three months after my child’s birth, the attending psychiatrist prescribed me an antidepressant.

I felt defeated. I felt like a failure. I felt lost.

It wasn’t until my Christian general practitioner assured me that my depression was a treatable illness that I began to look into the causes of depression.

Mental illness runs in my family. My great uncle committed suicide. My great aunt was probably schizophrenic. My grandmother suffered from severe depression, accompanied with manic episodes. This was just on my father’s side. My mother also suffers from depression.

I didn’t find most of this out until after I started searching for reasons why I am the way I am.

I do not believe God promised us a life full of happiness and joy. My depression was beyond just a lack of happiness and joy. I could not get suicidal thoughts out of my head. I looked at my baby boy, who I loved more than anyone, and I was ready to leave him and the world behind. Nothing tasted good. I could not sleep. I cried constantly. I downed a bottle of pills one evening after my husband took my son out for a walk.

Yes, I suffer from the “sin of unbelief.” Everything that does not come from faith is sin. Romans 14:22. I might suggest that WE ALL suffer from the “sin of unbelief.” Downing that bottle of pills was an act of selfish desperation from a wretched, sinful person in the throes of a physical ailment. It is no different than a person in excruciating physical pain, the worst kind, who gives up hope and takes their life out of God’s hands and into his own. Yet, even though I was a desperate wretch, God had mercy on me. He took me in his arms and comforted me. He forgave me.

I thank God he gave me what I needed to cope: a patient, understanding husband, a Christian doctor who prays with me every time I visit with him, a psychiatrist who gave me the correct prescription when I needed it most. (This is rare! Many people take time finding the right kind of antidepressant. It can take a year or more to get the right dosage and prescription.)

I was able to significantly lower my dosage after the PPD abated some. Since I have been suffering from depression since I was 15, I believe my doctor when he says I will probably need to remain on an antidepressant in order to stay healthy for the rest of my life.

You are right. I do not need anything more than the King Himself Jesus Christ. Thank you God for giving us the wisdom and curiosity to discover medications and antibiotics and therapies that can temporarily mend our broken bodies.

You honestly believe that I turn to a pill bottle instead of Jesus? I know that Jesus saved my life that day. He made sure I got the treatment I needed. He was and is an ever-present help in my times of need. You are completely mistaken when you say that I reject Christ as my source of joy and comfort in all things.

To address another misnomer: here is a huge difference between prescribed drugs and illegal drugs. SSRI’s are not “recreational” drugs. No one takes Zoloft to have fun. My medication is monitored by a doctor. I am fortunate in that I do not experience any side-effects. There is no “high” nor do I “feel” addicted (i.e. …, I am not constantly in search of my next “fix.”) In fact, I do not feel like I am on a drug at all. Often times, people who are on antidepressants mistakenly believe they don’t need them anymore because they just feel normal.

If done carefully, a person can wean off Zoloft without any negative withdrawal symptoms. Going off “cold turkey” can cause the shakes, headaches, anxiety, similar to someone who quits caffeine. Zoloft is actually less addictive than caffeine, a highly addictive drug.

Unlike heroin or cocaine, there are no long-term dangers of habitual use of antidepressants. Heroin is an opiate and cocaine is a stimulate; these drugs are not at all similar to SSRI’s.

As for the motivations of my heart: I was motivated to get well and be the best mother I knew how to be to my child. That was the motivation of my heart. The antidepressants do not cause me to escape into a happy oblivion. They do not mask feelings of guilt or sadness. I can assure you I feel the weight of my sin as much as someone not on antidepressants. I am not escaping any internal or external realities. My “thinking patterns” do not need modification. I do not deny nor do I embrace the inherent nature of sin.

I don’t dwell on it, either. I dwell on God’s mercy. I don’t believe that the beautiful verses written in Psalms about trusting in the Lord during times of sorrow were meant to be used to chastise and reprove. They were meant to encourage. To reassure. To remind.

Isaiah 53:4-6 ESV Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Mallory, my pill bottle and I get together for about five seconds every day. I spend my remaining moments doing my best to glorify Him in what I say and what I do.

In closing, I beg you to consider the possibility that you may be wrong. That are you wrongfully judging those who turn to medication to ease needless anguish. That there is just maybe a possibility depression is not always caused by a particular circumstance or sinful pattern of behavior, but by a treatable, organic condition that can be remedied with a physician’s assistance.

That taking an antidepressant and trusting in God can be mutually exclusive.

Respectfully,

Holly

Questioning the Biblical Counseling Movement Part 1: Greg Koukl's Is Biblical Counseling Biblical?

Proponents of biblical counseling are resolute in their beliefs. After all, they say, biblical counseling is biblical. Everything is taken directly from the bible. Those who question their practices go against men and women who firmly believe they have the inerrant word of God on their side. Questioning them is almost considered heretical. (“Heresy” is a popular word in biblical counseling manuals. It begs the question: are they using the term correctly?)

There are several really intelligent theologians who have issued thoughtful critiques of the biblical counseling movement. The next several posts will take a look at some of these alternative points of view.

The individuals I am showcasing question the legitimacy of the biblical counseling movement. Some critiques are more biting than others; a couple actually point out some of the merit of the biblical counseling movement; however, all acknowledge the fallacies behind the movement and in some cases, show how scripture has been misused and misread.

Is Biblical Counseling Biblical? By Greg Koukl

Greg Koukl is the founder and president of the radio program Stand to Reason. He is also an adjunct professor of apologetics at Biola University.

Koukl argues that the bible does not teach “bible only.” He reviews a statement made by the BCM and carefully scrutinizes the scriptures they use to back up their statement:

“The Word of God has been given to man as the sole source for finding God’s solutions to the real problems that plague him.” (Ps 19:11; 2 Tim 3:16-17; Heb 4:12; 2 Pet 1:2-4)

Koukl states that these verses do make it clear that God’s law and his word are accurate and inspired, but that nowhere in these verses is it implied that outside resources are an illegitimate source of information just because they are not found in the bible.

Koukl closely examines 15 different verses cited by the BCM to refute man’s contributions to the problems of the mind, heart, and soul outside of the context of the bible. Of those 15 verses, he finds that 11 of them have nothing to do with the issue at hand. Three of the verses only indirectly address the issue and the one that does address the issue is misapplied. (Koukl includes a full assessment of all of the verses in an appendix.)

Biblical counselors use 2 Timothy 3:15 as their primary reason for their biblical brand of counseling. Koukl argues that even this verse doesn’t teach that the Scripture is “adequate.” Koukl notes that the verse does not describe scripture as adequate, but rather “the man of God who uses the inspired Scripture in a profitable way.”

Koukl makes the following statement:

“Do these texts teach what the syllabus asserted, that any of man’s contribution to the problems of mind, heart, and spirit are unacceptable to God? No, they don’t. Not only do these texts fail to make the Biblical Counseling Foundation’s point, but a pattern emerges of misuse and misrepresentation of Scripture, a pattern we’ll note in other areas as well. This is unsettling considering the BCF’s own admonition to be “diligent in learning to handle accurately the Word of God.” (Read part 1 and part 2 of my critique of the Biblical Counseling Foundation's Self Confrontation Manual.)

Koukl goes on to argue that man can discern God’s truth even if he lives outside of God and his word. His main, and extremely intriguing, point comes from The Wisdom Literature of the Amenomope, an ancient Egyptian text that pre-dates Proverbs. This is important as it contains sections that are nearly identical to sections found in the inspired book of Proverbs.

How could that be? How could a “pagan” contribute inspired words of wisdom?

Koukl writes that man has the “universal, natural ability to draw certain specific conclusions about God without the aid of special revelation, a capability so powerful that the willful suppression of it brings God’s judgment.”

Koukl goes on to argue that even Calvin would not be offended by contributions of modern psychology by unregenerate contributors. He calls to our attention Calvin’s appreciation of the wisdom in Aristotle’s teaching.

The second part of Koukl’s paper discusses the BCM’s incredible focus on the utter depravity of mankind. He acknowledges that we all “miss the mark.” If the standard is God, of course we all miss the mark. Our love is never as great as his love, our good deeds never as pure in motive as his, etc. We are incapable of EVER hitting the mark. That is why we need a savior.

Koukl makes the distinction between two very important things: a) having inherent worth in the eyes of God and b) earning forgiveness. One does not suddenly “gain value” in the eyes of God through salvation. Koukl argues that the “Self-Confrontation Manual” actually denies these two things and wrongly focuses on the utter depravity and filth of mankind.

This is a very broad review of this paper. Koukl does an excellent job of referring to past Reformer theologians, who acknowledged that “worth and value are different from merit.” His primary point is that we shouldn’t dismiss psychological advances just because they are stumbled upon by non-Christians. He accuses the BCF of taking a sledgehammer approach to dealing with psychology. Koukl instead encourages Christian to focus on using God’s gift of discernment, a natural gift imparted by God, to make decisions regarding specific issues not discussed in the bible.

Read Koukl's article, Is Biblical Counseling Biblical? here.

This Is What It's All About...

In Defense of My Opposition to Nouthetic Counseling

As I expected, proponents of biblical counseling are leaving comments suggesting that what I’m writing simply is not true. They believe I am taking a harsh stance against biblical counseling and unfairly representing them. I have carefully looked over the statements I made concerning nouthetic counseling. I do not want to unintentionally write something that has no basis in truth. Perhaps my statements need explanation.

First, let me explain that the biblical counseling movement is wide-ranging. I am going to defend the statements made in my posts about nouthetic counseling as ascribed to by Jay Adams. I do have major concerns about biblical counseling as a movement; however, I fully acknowledge there are definitely biblical counselors who are more liberal in their views of “mental illness” and psychiatric medications.

In defense of my statements, I am drawing mostly from the writings of Jay Adams. My statements are in bold. The defense of these statements comes directly below.

I

The nouthetic method of counseling is vehemently opposed to psychiatric medication. They generally believe that depression and other mental illnesses are a result of sin.

(Nouthetic counselors) disregard modern psychiatric medicine, including antidepressants and anti-psychotics.

Jay Adams most popular book is entitled Competent to Counsel. He does acknowledge that some mental illness stems from “organic” problems. Adams throws around the term “so-called” a lot. (He often says “so-called mentally ill," or "so-called chemical imbalances.”) His definition for the “truly mentally ill” is found in a footnote in Chapter 3 of Competent to Counsel.

I.e. with the exception of organically-based problems such as brain damage, toxic problems, hardening of the arteries, and insanity by gene transmission, which may affect the brain directly. In each case, as well as in adrenachrome deficiencies, to the extent that it is possible to do so, the patient is still responsible to handle his handicap in accordance with the revealed will of God.

These organic causes of mental illness cannot be treated by drugs, with the exception of “adrenachrome deficiencies.” “Adrenachrome deficiencies” relates to Adams admission that schizophrenia MIGHT be a result of a perceptual malfunction of the brain, and therefore, an actual organic problem.

There is a possibility that some of the bizarre behavior which one meets in so-called schizophrenic persons, stems from organic roots. (Adams, Competent to Counsel 37)

However, this is a highly debatable theory that has been all but rejected by the medical community. The following is from Wikipedia (which I realize may not be the most reliable source. However, Hoffer’s scientific inquiries into this theory have long since been abandoned, and finding relevant information about it has proved difficult. The Wikipedia article is well cited):

Hoffer's claims regarding schizophrenia and his theories of orthomolecular medicine have been rejected by the medical community.[15] In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association reported methodological flaws in Hoffer's work on niacin as a schizophrenia treatment and referred to follow-up studies that did not confirm any benefits of the treatment.[16] Later studies similarly failed to find benefits in the use of megavitamin therapy to treat schizophrenia.[17]

In fact, schizophrenics most readily respond to the use of anti-psychotics, which often have extreme side-effects, which is why so many choose to go off their medication. An extremely large percentage of homeless peoples are schizophrenics who are un-medicated.

Adams’ other explanation for the confounding problem of schizophrenia is that it is a condition that stems from a sinful nature. In Competent to Counsel, he uses an example of a woman faking a catatonic state to avoid life’s responsibilities:

Don't accept the claim that a person is "out of touch with reality" unless some organic cause for "catatonic" behavior has been detected. Counsel the individual as if he is in touch with reality. If what you say is threatening enough, he will respond. Try to learn what it is he is attempting to avoid. Investigate each case to discover what is behind it, and counsel accordingly. (Adams on nouthetic.org)

(This theory doesn't really work for those who have been in catatonic states for, well, years. I don't think anyone's good at faking it for that long.)

Adams often states that what we perceive as "mental illness" is actually what he refers to as "camoflauge." I.e., the person is faking mental disease in order to get out of having to change sinful habits.

Adams also believes the following:

Problems may be solved, not by ventilation of feelings, but rather by confession of sin. (Adams, Competent to Counsel xvii)

On his website, he answers as to whether or not nouthetic counselors are opposed to medication:

What we do deplore is the use of medicine to deal with problems that have no organic cause. We are adverse to masking those difficulties with medicine. For instance, if one’s conscience is troubling him by triggering unpleasant feelings, we think that the solution to the problem is not found in drugs but in dealing with whatever it is that activated the conscience in the first place. In such cases the counselor deals with sin, not with the feelings. That is the bottom line. For help on so-called “chemical imbalances,” for instance, see The Christian Counselor’s Medical Desk Reference. (Adams on nouthetic.org.)

Adams believes that depressive feelings are a result of sinful behaviors like slothfulness, pride, greed, addiction, etc. The book The Christian Counselor's Manual tackles the problem of depression by rooting out the sinful behavior, having the counselee acknowledge their sinfulness, and then working on changing patterns of sinful behaviors. It’s pretty straight-forward and might be helpful to someone who is actually dealing with spiritual depression as a result of chronic sinful lifestyle. (I must emphasize chronic since we all sin on a day to day sometimes hour to hour basis. Chronic sinful behaviors might include drug abuse, cheating, etc. And although I believe behavior modification is an important part of seeking lasting change and restitution, it is folly to pursue it if the counselor has not dealt with possible underlying issues. But I’ll get to that later.)

II

Nouthetic counselors are reactionary: they staunchly refuse to acknowledge any advances made in psychiatry in the past couple of centuries. They hate psychoanalysis and generally refuse recognize a patient’s past experiences as significant to their getting better.

(Nouthetic counselors have a) reactionary and stubborn negative stance against all psychoanalysis ascribed to by “non-Christian” psychologists.


The thesis of this book is that qualified Christian counselors properly trained in the Scriptures are competent to counsel- more competent than psychiatrists or anyone else. (Adams, Competent to Counsel 18)

When pagan approaches are developed to do what God has given the Bible to do, these approaches must be exposed, rejected, and opposed. (Adams, A Theology of Christian Counseling x)

It is my hope that out of the present controversy over the problem of eclectic counseling within Christ’s church (the issue is whether the counseling systems of Freud, Rogers, Skinner, not to speak of scores of others, can be brought legitimately into the church) theological studies will be generated that will lead to clearer definitions of the work of the church and her counseling ministry, so that congregations and their members will better understand the perils involved. In my opinion, advocating, allowing and practicing psychiatric and psychoanalytical dogmas within the church is every bit as pagan and heretical (and therefore perilous) as propagating the teachings of some of the most bizarre cults. (Adams, A Theology of Christian Counseling xi)

The reactionary nature of nouthetic counseling is upsetting. For instance, Adams hates the idea of probing a person’s past in order to confront situations that may be the root of anxieties, depression, or other problems. Here's a theoretical example: perhaps a couple comes in for counseling because their sex life is non-existent. Wouldn’t it behoove the counselor to know that the woman had been sexually abused as a child? Can't past experience, not sin, contribute to a present problem? Here’s what Adams’ says about delving into the past:

Going back into the past is sometimes necessary. There are at least two good reasons, however, for doing so in most cases. First, it is important to review the past thoroughly enough to establish the fact that non-biblical response patterns are at the root of one’s immediate problems…

The purpose for going back into the past is to take a behavioral history.

There is a second reason for going back into the past. The client needs to discover and confess any “perfect-tense” sins… perfect tense sins, sins committed in the past which still have present effects, are sins that have not been settled. Such sins, becase they have never been dealt with adequately, are really present-tense sins as well, because they continue to influence the client’s life and destroy him. (Adams, Competent to Counsel 152)

The nouthetic counselor might give the couple a schedule in order to establish a pattern of healthy marital sexual relations. A Christian psychologist, on the other hand, might explore the reasons the wife does not enjoy sex and deal with the root of the problem. Confronting the past and focusing on God’s comfort is probably a better option than behavioral modification in an instance where someone has been sexually abused.

III

(Nouthetic counselors have an) unsympathetic and legalistic confrontational method of “biblical counsel.”

That’s the trouble with much counseling—it’s merely helping someone get out of a mess. But he’ll get himself back into the mess again unless you counsel otherwise. (Jay Adams blog April 27, 2009)

Adams admits to being unsympathetic to the sinners who come in for counseling. Such is the method of nouthetic counseling: it is blunt and confrontational. Take his example of Millie, a woman who had been “coddled” by her psychiatrist for over a year:

When a nouthetic counselor confronted her strongly on that first day about her lazy, undisciplined, irresponsible behavior and told her to go back to church, to get to work at home, to do her ironing and cleaning, everyone was shocked.

Adams believes that depression is never a cause, but an effect. If this were always the case, the confrontational method of counseling would suffice. But for someone who truly suffers from clinical depression, telling them just to get over it and get back to work is like telling a addict to just stop taking drugs. It isn’t helpful. And it’s cruel.

Nouthetic counselors do not think that clients need to be led along gently over months of years, Instead, they sometimes find that it is necessary to use God’s truth shatteringly to show the person the nevitable hopelessness of his present way of life. They may need to warn him how his present sinful courses of action will lead to nothing but greater discouragement and ultimate defeat. (Adams, Competent to Counsel 173-4)

This sort of “tough love” without exploration of the underlying reasons as to why a person is hurting reminds me of terse radio psychologists who quip ridiculous aphorisms to jolt people into acting the way they want them to.

IV

The refusal to acknowledge emotional and verbal abuse AS ABUSE.

This statement, unfortunately, is a product of my own experiences with counselors trained in nouthetics.

I should not have made it appear that Jay Adams' brand of nouthetic counseling purports this idea… though I can find no evidence one way or the other.

What I find disturbing is that in Jay Adams’ books, especially his books Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible and The Christian Counselor’s Manual, there are no case studies about women who live with unrepentant, abusive husbands, Christian or otherwise.

Here is a review of a book from Founders Ministries, which is an organization that is promoted by the NANC. The book being reviewed is The Wounded Heart by Dan B. Allender:

Believing in the total depravity of the natural man and the remaining sin of the Christian, Allender argues that the victim of sexual abuse typically copes by building a defensive mechanism which is usually sinful. While never ignoring the 100% responsibility of the abuser in the abuse itself, Allender does what most psychology-based counselors will not do. He makes the victim responsible for his/her actions in response to the abuse and in recovery.

…He exhorts the victim to repent of sinful anger (revenge, personal hatred, etc.) toward the abuser while believing in God's righteous anger toward him/her.

Sinful anger is manifested in self-contempt and other-centered contempt as a pattern of life and perpetuates the abuser's control over the life. The Christian must repent of this abuser-centered life and turn to Christ. It is finding our acceptance in Christ, and not in others, which enables us to live without fear of what men can do to us.

This enables the damaged soul to open itself again to feel, to give, and to love those who may hurt them yet again. We are not called naively to trust others unconditionally, but neither are we called to mistrust them. We are called by the Gospel to care, even for our enemy. We are called boldly to love others while finding our completeness and happiness in Christ alone. As the Christian does this, his/her wounded heart is healed and he/she becomes a genuinely unselfish person as was our Lord, overcoming the pains and fears of abuse.

One final word about this book. It is not only for those who have been sexually abused. Most other forms of abuse have the same effect upon the soul. Physical, emotional, verbal, and other forms of abuse cause the victim to respond to betrayal, powerlessness, and ambivalence with self-protective patterns. That is why I believe that this book is so helpful to pastors in ferreting out remaining sins in believers and helping them to recover by the power of the Gospel.

Rooting out "remaining" sins in believers who have suffered abuse and helping them to break their self-protective patterns is the method of many a biblical counselor. This reviewer goes so far as to call the person who has been abused “selfish.”

Conservative Christians should tread lightly upon this subject. Not acknowledging abuse and not treating the abused with the utmost care while condemning the abuser is the real sin here. My friend “Anna” was called selfish. It is a slippery slope we lead here… these “Christian” fundamentalist ideas are not a far cry from fundamentalist Muslim Imams who suggest women who are raped are partly responsible for something they had no control over. Anti-psychiatric rhetoric, I submit, can actually be terribly dangerous.

(For instance, what possible good does it do to call non-Christian approaches to psychology pagan? Is that what we, as Christians are to do? Libel non-Christians as pagans as we walk cloaked in the superiority of "biblical truth?" This is oppressive language that dehumanizes. It is reprehensible.)

So, my comment that nouthetic counselors don’t acknowledge emotional and verbal abuse as abuse may be off base. But their suggestions regarding the counsel of a person who has suffered any type of abuse? Honestly, I find them deplorable.

Conclusion

I stand by most all of the statements and “accusations” I have made. My fundamental disagreement with nouthetics is their reactionary nature, their opposition to science, and their smug insistence that they have the bible on their side. In my next post, I would like to explore other criticisms of nouthetic counseling, including their misuse and blatant abuse of scripture to fit their narrow view of counseling.

Helping the Abused: Every Believer's Responsibility

What is Abuse?

Abuse- it can be used as a noun or a verb. This abuse must stop! (noun.) I really wish you would not abuse my cat in that fashion. (verb.)

Let’s start with the verb. To abuse means to treat something poorly, to misuse something, to treat something wrongly or improperly, to hurt or injure something through maltreatment. To corrupt something. To excessively hurt something.

Abuse is a broad term.

Abuse could be a one-time incident. For instance, I once abused a book of mine by using it as placemat. The book got stained and wet and was forever changed. I tried to fix it. I wiped off the mess, dried it out, and took loving care of it from then on. Unfortunately, the book was never quite the same.

Abuse is not always manifested physically. For instance, one can abuse a policy. Another book example: I have been know to abuse my library privileges by keeping books out much later than they are due back. I am always given a hefty fine. If I don’t change my ways, my library card privileges may be revoked.

Abuse can be subtle, wearing down something slowly over time. Abuse can be blatant, a sudden action with immediate impact.

Abuse in the Bible

Abuse is not a word found in the bible. However, God makes it very clear what is the proper way to treat one another and what is the wrong way to treat one another. He hates violence, wrath, and a cruel tongue.

Biblical counselors who don’t recognize and label abuse are essentially refusing to call a spade a spade, but rather, something more benign, like a serving spoon. The pastor at my former church would not label abusive behavior as “abuse” because he felt that “abuse” was a word one only used when one is ready to bring the police into the situation.

This is kind of ridiculous because the bible clearly reprimands those who use words to hurt others. In the following verse, a wicked mouth is a violent mouth, suggesting that hateful speech is as damaging as a violent, physical act.

"The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked." Proverbs 10:11

Abuse in a relationship can take on many forms: physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. When someone is labeled as living in “an abusive relationship,” the term “abuse” is narrowed, and a qualifying word is added to it… that word is generally “systematic.” After all, if we stuck to the broad term, we would all be rampant abusers. Every time you say an unkind word or emotionally manipulate or even deceive someone is an instance of abuse.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Ephesians 4:29

Anyone who is in a relationship where they are beaten, emotionally, verbally, physically, again and again is an abusive relationship. Nowhere in the bible does it suggest that someone should be forced to remain in an abusive relationship.

Of course, in bible times, the weak (including slaves and women, who were pretty much slaves) did not have much of a choice when it came to making the choice to leave an abusive environment. After all, they were beholden to their masters by the law, financially, and of course, their children were not truly their own, but their masters’.

Times haven’t changed so much… many women stay with their abusive husbands for fear of money, for fear of losing their children, for fear of being looked down upon.

What strikes me is how often the bible implores believers to help the weak, to reach out to the oppressed.

Verses that Tell Us to Help the Oppressed

“Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise, says the LORD, I will protect them from those who malign them.” Psalm 12:5

“Do not let the oppressed retreat in disgrace; may the poor and needy praise your name.” Psalm 74:21

"He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God." Proverbs 14:31

"Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:9

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-- when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?" Isaiah 58:6-7

"This is what the LORD says: Do what is just and right. Rescue from the hand of his oppressor the one who has been robbed. Do no wrong or violence to the alien, the fatherless or the widow, and do not shed innocent blood in this place." Jeremiah 22:3

"So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me,' says the LORD Almighty." Malachi 3:5

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed." Luke 4:18

“Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, upholds the weak, be patient with all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14

“Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.” Hebrews 13:3

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17-18

AND FINALLY, in regards to the way husbands should treat their wives…

"Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered." 1 Peter 3:7

Note that the weak in these verses are almost always women and children. Note that so often, women are oppressed because of their lack of financial independence. Note that men and women are BOTH heirs together of the grace of life… that they are equally loved by God.

These are only a small sample of the Lord’s admonition to believers to bind ourselves to the oppressed. If there is abuse in the church, WE ARE TO INTERCEDE on the behalf of the weaker person, especially women and children. It could not be clearer.

I would submit that biblical counselors who tell women who are living in abusive situations to stay and just submit and pray are openly defying God’s instructions to believers. Release the oppressed, He said. Release them.

To those who call the spade a serving spoon, you are doing a huge disservice to the already oppressed.

Things that are Under the Carpet

I felt compelled to leave my church. There were several factors: but yeah, one of them was the way the pastor and his wife treated a friend of mine, a woman living in an abusive home.

The abuse was mostly verbal and emotional. When my friend, I’ll call her Anna, and her husband, I’ll call him Jerry, went to the pastor and his wife for counseling, Jerry’s behavior was deemed “inappropriate.” Anna’s attitude, they said, was selfish.

The pastor’s wife is a newly certified NANC counselor and is paid through the church to provide services to women seeking godly direction.

She said some horrible things to Anna. Some unforgivable things. Things that make me, when I think of them, burn with anger. (I’m working on that!) Though Jerry has sociopathic tendencies, is a chronic liar, was verbally and emotionally abusive to his stepdaughter (from the time the little girl was a toddler), was controlling to the point of being obsessive, hurled insults at his wife and behaved erratically, his various actions were only labeled as “inappropriate.”

Nine years they sought counseling. At times, Anna had high hopes; she believed the imposing presence that is our pastor was just the thing to get through to Jerry. It didn’t. So Anna finally decided she couldn’t live in constant fear; the tumultuous environment was destroying her, deadening her spirit. She was… scared.

So she left.

She was told, by her newly certified NANC counselor, that leaving her husband was the same as taking her kids, lining them up, and then “blowing their brains out” with a shotgun.

These words haunt her whenever one of her children acts out, melts down, has a bad day. Even though she knows they aren’t true, the words cut into her heart and made a permanent mark. This certified counselor took what was most precious to Anna and flung it at her as a weapon to make her behave and conform to the church’s wishes.

This next statement is really out there. Like out farther than Mars out there. Like, DOES THIS COUNSELOR EVEN THINK BEFORE SHE OPENS HER MOUTH?

The newly appointed NANC counselor told my friend Anna that she had grown up with a physically abusive father. She told how her father would sometimes beat her until she was bloody, and that he beat her mother, too, but her mother was faithful to God and stayed with her husband. She told how at least her parents stayed together!

Here’s the kicker, the you did not just go THERE statement: she told Anna that the Lord had mercy on her mother, and took her home to live in heaven at the age of 46.

Anna’s response? Oh that’s just great. I’ve got a couple of years left, and then I leave the earth and my kids to be raised by this man.

When my husband and I confronted the pastor about these statements, his response was that sometimes counselors have to use hyperbole to get a message across to stubborn counselees. In the same meeting, he insinuated that my friend Anna was having an inappropriate relationship with another man (she wasn’t) and that we, her friends, didn’t know the whole story. So much for counselor-patient confidentiality. He threw her under the bus without a thought and attempted to slander her reputation.

Oh but there’s more. While all of this counseling was taking place? Our esteemed pastor OWED Jerry (who was quite wealthy and often took the Pastor to nice golf courses, out to eat, etc.) $25,000 he had borrowed to pay off various debts.

I’ll let you contemplate that ethical implication of that statement.

What is sad is that so many leaders in the church don’t consider emotional or verbal abuse actual abuse. This is a HUGE PROBLEM. I’ve been so pleased with recent articles by author and speaker Chuck Colson, who addresses the way the church sweeps domestic abuse situations under the rug, imploring beleaguered wives just to “submit more,” to “be more kind and less self-serving” in order to soften their husband’s hearts, punches, and words.

I wrote a letter to the elders of my church, drawing attention to the above situation.

I believe my letter, along with Anna’s cries for help, are under the sanctuary carpet.

Articles by Chuck Colson:

Daisy Chain: Protecting the Least of These From Abuse

Providing Shelter: The Church and Domestic Abuse

An Ugly Secret: Domestic Violence Within the Church